Reflections on turning 40

Written on 16/06/2020

I guess I have always been that odd one out but let me tell you that I am grateful, enthusiastic, and pleased to be celebrating my forty years on earth. I am proud of where I am at this point in my life. I am grateful for my achievements, my personal and spiritual growth, and I will just come out and say this, too, that I am content with how I am ageing.

Is it okay to say all that? It should be. It best be!

Let it be the refreshing and truthful statement of self-love, loving kindness, and gratitude that we too often freely spread and share to those we love, but too seldom offer to ourselves.

Getting older has become such a negative thing in today’s world. It's become something to dread and work against. Somehow being 'healthy' has become synonymous with agelessness or youth in the way of physical appearance. Health, along with beauty and wisdom and everything else, evolves continuously. To resist this evolution forces upon ourselves the self-criticisms that set us up for ongoing struggle. Why nurture that? Why is it easier for us to celebrate our supposed flaws (usually reserved for social media as #vulnerability, #authenticity or #realtalk all clickbait), but are too shy or humble or self-conscious to celebrate the infinite number of things we do and are that makes us truly incredible?

I don't even mean publicly. Too few of us will even dare to do this privately in our own minds.

I look around at women my age, friends from long ago, who are continuously trying to turn back the clock. The obsession about looking like they did 20 years ago. Why? We are not past our prime. We are dead

in the middle of it. I might even suggest we are only getting started. At 40 we reach a new level of power and confidence and I am pretty sure if we decide it to be so, it will only grow.

If our 20s are about figuring it all out, and our 30s are about putting whatever it is we figured out into action, let's stand tall and proud and make our 40s about celebrating the amazingness we are today. Wait – scratch that. Can we celebrate the amazingness that we are today, no matter what our age? No matter what the outside expectation is of us?

Yes, my body has aged since I celebrated my beach body. It has aged with life's experiences of growing older, of having a child and, perhaps most trying for me, navigating my way through ongoing challenges with dental issues and my weight.

But I have also achieved some goals I set out to achieve. (Or at least the ones I remembered to keep working towards – I can't remember the goals I forgot about or ended up not mattering enough to pursue).

We think of a dream life where everything is sunshine and rainbows all the time with our long youthful flowing locks (free of grey hair of course) just blowing in the breeze of our easy life. It never will be. It is a broken pattern to keep believing that happiness will one day come if we could just look younger (or stay young!), earn more money, take fancier vacations, work ourselves to the bone at jobs we hate so we can keep buying stuff we don't need, to keep up with everything we're told we should want.

Look don’t misunderstand my point I am trying to make. There is nothing wrong with looking good and taking care of yourself. The problem I have is when you become obsessed with this. Chasing happiness in what the world makes you believe will give you inner peace. But while we chasing “happiness” or remedies to slow down the aging process we don’t notice the moments in our lives, the ones that really matters.

I am amazed at the amount of pressure some woman put on themselves, their daughters, and friends to look good, look younger, dress the best etc. If they put half of that energy into what their hearts is looking like they will simply be living a much happier life.

Imagine you spent more time on what Jesus would think of you rather that what all those snobs at the wedding is going to think about your grey natural highlights.

We are so obsessed with looking good in public and on social media, our lives almost depend on the amount of likes and comments we get when posting a photo rather than real honest moments with God.

What if I told you that you are perfect no matter what you may believe. That God loves you no matter how grey you are or how your jeans is a little old fashioned. Go and read Psalms 139, this will help you understand how perfect you truly are.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” Psalms 139:14

There is something beautiful about accepting God’s unconditional love and getting older. Making do, working with what we have and where we are at today, rather than working for what we think we need for a future version of ourselves. There is something special about not being in a constant state of want – specifically, wanting things to be different.

Where media might make us feel that we should look a certain age to be happy.

I am proudly, confidently, and gratefully leaning on Jesus. I am continuing to learn how to stand tall and proud of exactly where I am today because I know I am loved no matter what. Knowing that my beauty is steadfast in my Heavenly Father who created me in his image.

So as part of my reflection I want to challenge you all to spend more time on what Jesus thinks of you rather that what society makes you believe to be the truth. When you brushing your hair just remember that God knows the number of hairs on your head (Luke 12:7).

As I roll into my 5th decade of life, I truly feel free of any expectation of what I should be or need to achieve. To be honest, I feel like I've made my point.

Here I am, 40-years-old and embracing a new decade in my life. Instead of being overwhelmed with fear of my hair thinning each year or getting those natural white highlights I will continue to find joy in simply being alive. Finding joy in the simple things in life that comes with no price tags or expectations. Paying more attention to the moments I have with God rather than worrying about wrinkles and grey hair.

It doesn't require more money, or more time. We don't need anything except a deep breath and enough awareness to just appreciate the moment.

Pay attention to the moments. They are the rewards for the efforts we make every day.

*Picture from my 40th Drive By party.