When Our Insecurities Shape How We Treat Others

Have you ever found yourself reacting harshly to someone or treating them in a way that, upon reflection, didn’t align with who you aspire to be? It’s humbling to realise that how we treat others often says more about us than it does about them. Our insecurities, fears, and habits can subtly (or not so subtly) influence our actions, shaping our interactions in ways we may not even be aware of.

Our reactions to others are often mirrors reflecting what’s happening within us.

Just as a mirror shows our physical appearance, our interactions can reveal our emotional and spiritual state. Sometimes, we criticise others because we see something in them that we struggle with ourselves. For example, constantly pointing out someone’s shortcomings may stem from a fear of failure. Acting overly competitive or boastful could be an attempt to prove our worth. If we’ve been hurt, we may push others away or react defensively, even when no harm was intended.

As Matthew 7:3-5 reminds us, we often focus on the speck in someone else’s eye while ignoring the plank in our own. This verse isn’t meant to condemn but to encourage self-awareness and growth.

Our habits—both good and bad—create ripples in our relationships.

A habit of impatience may make us quick to anger, while a tendency to compare ourselves with others can lead to envy or resentment. Left unchecked, these patterns can harm not only our relationships but also our sense of self-worth.

Reacting from a place of insecurity or unhealthy habits strains relationships, leading to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and reinforcing negative cycles in our lives.

But there’s good news: we can choose a different path.

Recognising and Transforming Our Reactions

The first step towards change is recognising when our actions stem from insecurity. When you feel triggered, ask yourself, “Why am I reacting this way?”

Prayerfully invite God into this process:

Search me, God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts

(Psalm 139:23).

Take responsibility for your actions without shifting blame onto others.

Owning your behaviour builds trust and fosters healthier relationships.

Bring your insecurities to God, asking Him to heal wounds and transform harmful habits. As 2 Corinthians 12:9 reminds us, His power is made perfect in our weakness.

Extend grace to yourself and others, recognising that everyone is navigating their own struggles. When we view life through the lens of God’s grace, we approach relationships with greater compassion and patience.

Transforming Relationships Through Heart Care

Scripture reminds us to guard our hearts, for everything we do flows from it (Proverbs 4:23). Our actions are a reflection of our heart’s condition. That’s why prioritising heart care is essential.

We are called to speak life, not from a place of insecurity but with kindness and encouragement:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs (Ephesians 4:29).

Taking ownership of our behaviour is an act of both maturity and faith:

Each one should test their own actions... for each one should carry their own load (Galatians 6:4-5).

When we address our insecurities and transform unhealthy habits, we not only improve our relationships but also grow closer to God and who He has called us to be.

Choosing Love Over Fear

How we treat others is often a reflection of what’s happening within us.

By pausing to reflect, inviting God into our struggles, and allowing Him to heal and shape us, we are better equipped to act from love, compassion, and confidence.

Let’s commit to choosing love over fear,

kindness over judgment,

and grace over reaction.

When we allow God to heal our hearts, we can love others as He first loved us.